I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
