I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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