Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
