"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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