Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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