there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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