i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
