I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
