if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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