If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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