Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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