remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
