he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
