I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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