I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
