I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
