You're so nebulous sometimes
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
