grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
