You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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