4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
