You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
