I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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