She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
