I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
