You can't special order awesome
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
