Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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