I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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