Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
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I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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