Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
