I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
