i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
