how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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