your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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