Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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