i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
