Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
