hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
