Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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