Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
