I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
