i don't like sucking hair
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
