I just pynch a tree in the face
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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