no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize