Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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