She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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