I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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