margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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