What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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