apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
