Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
