Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
