when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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