The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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