my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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