I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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