the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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