she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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