I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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