I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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