I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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