i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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