I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thank you for not boning my boss.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
