It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
