i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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