I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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