Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
