i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
