i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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