I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she told me i tasted like america
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
